okay, storytime. At a group sleepover, there’s this girl, the most innocent thing you’ve ever met, k? She nods off on the couch early on in the night. As everyone’s getting ready to play cards, one of my friends lean back and hears her mumbling in her sleep.
My friend motions for everyone to be quiet. The girl snuggles her blanket, smiles, and in the sweetest voice, says, “Go on, Brandon. You can jump. It’s only 30 stories.”
So. Much. Hair.
Going to be honest, I first thought Hagrid
Yer a wizard, Harry!
ABORT ABORT! APPARENTLY SOMEHOW MY PHONE BLUETOOTHED THIS PICTURE TO MY TV WHILE MY WHOLE FAMILY WAS WATCHING! THEY WERE JUST HAPPILY WATCHING FOOTBALL OR WHATEVER WHEN BAM! HAGRID SELFIE COMES UP ACROSS THE WHOLE SCREEN!!!
*Trombone failure sound effect*
What was their reaction?
So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND
HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND
NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN
I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
NICK P L E A S E